ten weeks

Just ten weeks of this crazy adventure left! Maybe even less if Ms. Willow Rae decides she's had enough of being in my belly. As long as she's not super early, I would be ok with that. Being pregnant is not fun anymore.

No one tells you that you won't be able to tie your shoes, or that you'll get up to take a shower and be so tired when you get out that you have to sit on the bed for a few minutes. Or that the cute, etherial movements turn into wondering who snuck your unborn baby a toothbrush shank or a flamethrower (in the case of heartburn). Once in a while she'll poke at my belly so hard that my t-shirt lifts up where her arm/leg is and when she puts it back down the t-shirt is still up. This little girl is freaking crazy. I love her so much!!!

Speaking of her being crazy, she already knows how to push mommy's buttons. I've been having some slight spotting (if you don't know what that is, don't worry about it) and I'll call the doctor and the doctor will ask if she's been moving normally. . . Well, yes? I suppose. Maybe? And from then on I'll monitor it, and decide she's not moving as much, probably because she's having a sleepy day but still I'd better go get checked out. So, for the hour drive to the hospital she'll be completely quiet, not even moving a foot. Then we'll get there, they'll strap me into the monitors and BAM! That little girl acts like all I eat and drink are espresso's and king sized Snicker's bars. . . It may just be coincidence, but I say she was listening and waiting. Crazy girl.

As far as when she'll get here, I honestly think she'll be early. Not super early, but a few weeks. She's already been knocking on my cervix asking if she could pretty please be let out, so maybe one of these days she'll figure out how it works. We'll see. Even if she were to be born today, she'd most probably be fine, but I'd like it if she would cook longer. Babies are cuter with more fat on them.

Nesting has officially begun! Even though I was advised that I should probably be on bed rest because of the spotting, I can't seem to stay away from cleaning. Last night, in an attempt to not clean, I was reading wiki articles on how to clean more effectively. Man, I need help. Finally, I couldn't help myself. I switched the laundry, put a new load in and cleaned the toilet. And the sink. And maybe part of the bathtub. But then I stopped! Promise. I felt a lot better, anyways, and no contractions or anything after it so it is possible to take it easy and clean at the same time.

I'm having the hardest time ever with how not everything is ready for her. The nursery isn't even close to being set up (all that needs to happen is some boxes, a desk and a filing cabinet have to get moved out, it has to (maybe, money permitting) be painted, and then all the stuff has to be arranged) and I know it won't take long. . . But I want all her little clothes in their dresser, all her stuff ready, all the painting done, everything. What if she comes early??? I guess she'll have to deal with sleeping in a drawer and only having a bouncer, a stroller and a diaper pad in her name. Oh, and a tub full of clothes. Which mommy hasn't washed yet because baby detergent costs so friggin' much!!

Ok, enough of this. Also, sorry that I haven't been able to talk about anything but babies for a while. Seems that whatever is going on in my life at the time is what I like talking about. Crazy, huh? I promise other stuff will happen on here, but lots of it will still be tiny human stuff, so *shrug* sorry.

Also, this is my cute baby (she's laying on her side so her face is to the right):



<3

109 days left

Twenty-four weeks, two days and I'm already at the basketball-smuggling stage. No wonder I can't get off the freaking couch!

As of today, there are approximately 109 days of this pregnancy left, which is terrifying! I know I can do it, but wow. . .

Money's really tight, which really stresses me out. We've made it on less before, and even though I'm trying to find a job all the if's and different variables keep popping up in my head.

It feels like we've still got so much to do with the nursery, but almost everything else is done. We're being so responsible! Haha. It's odd.

<3

it's a. . .

GIRL!!!!!!

Premiering on or around October 13th: Willow Rae Moyemont-Scarborough.

She's beautiful and perfect and I love her already. :]
She was a wiggle worm and we barely got to check out her junk, but there were three little tell-tale lines.

We are sooooooooo excited. She definitely wasn't a boy like we expected (and almost everyone guessed).

Here's her face (btw, her hand is curled right up against it, so it looks all boney):



<3

that's my baby

This Tuesday, we went for to the OB for a regular checkup. When the OB tried to check the heartbeat with the doppler, my kid kicked her so much that she could barely hear the heartbeat. :]
We find out what we're having March 31st, and I can't wait!! Both of us think it's a boy, so we'll see.
He or she is kicking like crazy, but only I can feel it at this point.
So, yeah, this is a really poopy blog but this mommy's tired.

If you want to guess if it'll be a boy or girl, message me on facebook or comment!

our little bean

Hello, all.
It's been forever. Forgive me?
Things will be picking up soon though, I promise.
I quit my job sometime in February (maybe mid-February?) because it was getting to be way, way, way too much for me. I really was trying my hardest, but it seemed like every day I would get criticized by my bosses' boss. A huge bitch. I loved my bosss, Wayne, but let's just say there were a few people that didn't understand their place or anything about our jobs- yet they were in charge of us because they were in "management".
So, I come in on a Saturday and she hands me a final warning, makes me cry (wasn't the first time), calls me pathetic, says I only put in half a day's work, so I should only get half a day's pay (illegal-- and by the way, there was NOTHING to do, so I couldn't do anything. I would have loved something to do because I was bored!). Anyways, I quit that day.
Two days later, on account of some rising suspicions on my part, I took a pregnancy test that came back POSITVE! Soooooo. . . I found out I was prego two days after I quit my job, which is both good and bad.
On the plus side, that job was terrible. I had to lift 20-80 lbs. daily, was around harsh chemicals and oils, and it just wasn't a good environment for a growing baby.
On the other hand, money is super nice when you're having a baby. That's what I hear. But, we've been ok, and it's been a few months. I would look for a new job, and I kind of have been but I've got this moral dilemma about it.
I know that once you're working for someone and inform them of your pregnancy- they can't fire you. It's illegal. I get that, but if they knew I was pregnant coming into a job interview, they'd find some other reason not to hire me. I mean, if I was an employer, I wouldn't hire me-- unless it was a temporary job or something extraordinarily shitty like McDonald's. Which was the worst experience of my life. But- if we really need money, I would do again. I'm ok with that. Money is money.
Anyways- I am 10 weeks and 4 days today, and we told my parents at 10 weeks. This pregnancy has been very different from last one.
For starters, we've been to the OBGYN's twice already (not for an actual prenatal appointment, but for an nurse's appointment and an ultrasound) which we kind of put off last time because of insurance issues.
Also, I've had a lot more symptoms, including morning sickness (I only felt nauseous like once last pregnancy), fatigue, and sore boobs. The morning sickness, which was actually at night, was fragging terrible for 4-5 weeks, but it tapered off around 9 weeks. Thank goodness! It was really getting ridiculous. I also had a bad cold at that time, so I'd eat dinner, cough once, phlegm would get stuck in my throat (I know, gross) and that would send me running for the sink/bathroom/garbage can/plastic bag. I only had morning sickness in the morning once, before an appointment. I got up to take a shower, was a tiny bit nauseous and then while I was in the shower it hit me and I puked pure acid. It was lovely.
My belly has also felt a lot harder in the last week or so. I press on it and it's not soft, but sort of like I have a six-pack (but I don't! At all). Which is my uterus growing, which is good!
We got an ultrasound at 8 weeks, 5 days, and I'll post a picture. There was a heartbeat- or else I wouldn't be writing this post.
It has been soooooo nerve-wracking to wait for 5 weeks for another OBGYN appointment. Honestly, if it doesn't go well, I might switch OB's, because it kind of pissed me off that she's waiting that long to actually see me for the first time. We'll see. I just want to know if my baby's ok. That seems like it would be easy to do, and technically part of her job.
JP and I are very excited. We've got boy and girl name's picked out, but I want to wait until we find out if everything is ok before telling everyone the names. Our next appointment is April 5th, so expect an update after that.
Now, for all the haters that kept leaving nasty comments on my Formspring last pregnancy, (not that this is anyone's business, but I don't really care, I was on birth control. This was just one of those flukes, or things, or whatever that just happen. I'm honestly very excited that this did happen and I don't care what anyone thinks. JP and I are happy, stable and yeah. We have a happy little family going already.
So, I have been thinking I may do vlogs on youtube chronicling my pregnancy, but then again, I may not. We'll see. If I do, I will let you know.

merry mundane

Work, work, work. Two thirty to ten thirty every day. Sometimes I just want to quit, but I hear money's nice. I wish things were easier.
On another note- Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and all that. Here's a poem.


Falsies.
Long and dark and dramatic- like us.
Fuchsia and lime green lips open and close
And talk like chocolate pudding.
Our dresses muffle the sound of our
Growling, groaning stomachs
And we pose. Smile.
Clicking pumps against the marble floors
We are goddesses.
We are worshiped in Vogue and Elle
And no one will forget us.
We have been cemented.
Full skirts with floral patterns on our ribs and
Tiny little laxatives in our colon.
We are perfect.
The click, click of the cameras
Reminds us that we are more real than
Those running errands on the streets,
Running around in circles on their feet-
We are worshiped.

good eat enough to eat

“What cute kids you have!”
Your benign comment rips open the stitches of my cancerous memory wounds
I could just eat them up
devour them,
One by one, with a spork,
Feasting on their adorableness
Shoveling them down my lonely empty gullet
And filling my belly with happy.
Making myself plump with your joy.
What? Is that not the way it works?
Because that’s my first instinct.
I mean, after the one that screams
“I hate you.”
I hate the fact that you have the swollen belly
Of a rambunctious pregnant woman
Who downs chocolate sundaes like Tylenol.
Brimming with life while I sit robbed of that glow
I hate your pristine smile, happy lips,
Bright eyes looking toward whatever the
Future may be for you-
My future was ruined.
I hate how happy you are. What you expect is exactly what I was expecting. Expecting to hold someone closer to your heart than you ever could. Expecting to add one more to your Norman Rockwell scene, painting an entire future in your mind’s eye for a pre-life cookie cutter child baking in your oven.
The pitter patter of undercooked baby batter runs rampant through the empty halls of expecting in my broken hearts shattered memories of expecting
Do you know what loathing is?
It’s seeing your joy, and your offspring springing around and from you, dressed in envy-green jerseys set and ready to play the ultimate game of life, each identical, sporting their allegiance to team Family.
Images of your happy content and ignorantly smug face being boxed and beaten with the sorrow of accident flicker through my mind as I put you in my shoes for an unwanted macabre justice from the unintended unfuture of my own.
Jam it between your finger tips
And up your eyeballs and in your
Hairy cunt.
I want you to know what it’s like
To loose everything- and maybe that way
You won’t flaunt your perfect life
And you’ll slow down and really,
Truly, see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On September 10th, we're having a burial ceremony for Chatham, since that was his due date. We're burying a rosebud and lighting candles, casting circle. . . Hopefully it'll be closure. We're also picking up a baby blanket and giving it to a baby born on the 10th as a way to commemorate him.

<3