vomit

Today, I lay on my bed with my best friends ultra-amazing puppy, Heidi, and took a nap. She just looked so cute and peaceful asleep that I figured maybe some of it would rub off on me if I lay really close to her.

It did.

You know when you're asleep, you kind of drift? Well, I was drifting and then a dream happened. I saw Hotmail, and I saw myself clicking on the unread messages tab where it said 1 unread message. I saw his name in the sender's name place thingee, and almost peed myself (not in real life).

The email was short.

It said something really close to but not word-for-word like:

"How could I not love someone who says 'crazy bastardly benifits'?
I love you."

And I woke up right then.

But, there was a huge smile on my face.

Until I realized it was only a dream.

That crash back to reality hurt like hell.

So, because I can't stop thinking about him, I checked his myspace (just a few seconds ago). He was on 4 days ago. He felt adventurous then, or whenever he updated his mood.

I (stalker) looked at the few pictures he has. One is a tag from me, from his Mormon prom. I'm really tempted to untag him. It doesn't seem right, now.

As I was looking at the other two, I felt the urge to vomit.

It hurts so bad.

I couldn't sleep.

So I drew a picture of someone I thought would be his dream girl.

She looks nothing like me.

She is beautiful.

Her hair is wavy, and soft and floaty.

Her eyes are huge. And she has a really pretty smile.

Damn my art.

She's almost perfect.

She's wearing a cameo. Not that I know he likes cameos. It just seemed to fit her totally feminine persona.

You know. . . a girl who would never wear skinnies. A girl who's favorite color was dusty pink.

Wow.

I'm totally scaring myself.

I swear, I'm not a freaky stalker girl. I've never done this before and it's even creeping me out.

Ouch.

His birthday is in 3 days.

18.

I'm a moron.

Goodnight.
Shoot me.


<3