melt

Spring's here.

The drizzle, windy, spotless perfection of it all.

It kind of snuck up on me. I mean, I've been expecting it (more like hoping for it) for about a month already, imagining birds chirping and buds on the trees but. . Finally, it's actually here.

Even though I'm sort of dreading spring, since it was supposed to be when my baby bump was supposed to appear and when all those cute belly-outlining dresses were to make their appearance, I'm still glad it's here.

It just makes me smile.

Lately most days have been spent out on the porch, smoking and talking to the sun, the moon or the trees (once I even tried super hard to light a pine cone on fire with my brain. . didn't work). It's magical.

Sometimes as the nicotine hits my bloodstream and my limbs start to feel heavy I imagine that now that Chatham's gone and become part of the Earth Mother he's part of everything I see. Birds flying around, squirrels flirting, branches waving. . . Oh, I know it's probably silly but it makes me feel better. He's now part of life- in a different way than I had ever intended (or hoped, or dreamed!). But still, he's happy. How can you not be when you skip past the shit of life and head straight for the heaven that is nature?

If I focus really hard, I can drown out the unbearable noise of the buses and cars with the still hum of the earth. Beauty.

So the snow's melted and the flowers are on their way and I'm sitting on the couch heralding them with my clicking words. I do believe this is how life should be lived.

It'll be ok, right?

Yeah, everything will be fine.

Someday.

Maybe Earth's trying to teach me to enjoy the chaos and uncertainty as well as the perfection. There is beauty in pain, you know. Especially when you look back.

I'd even go so far as to say that the greatest beauty is that which has overcome hardship to get to where it is now. Like spring. If it weren't for the death the Earth went through to get to where it is right now- it wouldn't be as beautiful. . in fact, it wouldn't be at all.

<3