I always wanted to be Xena. She was bad ass, sexy, and an individual. My parents wanted me to wait to be rescued, so that's what I learned, but I've always aspired to rescue myself.
Strong has been one of those words I've held on to when I wasn't. When I wasn't brave, I'd chant it like a mantra. When I felt powerless, I screamed powerful.
Here are 5 strengths I have identified in myself without qualifiers and without apologies.
1. I am strong. Looking at what I've been through, and knowing that I am still happy, still able to get up and get dressed. . I am strong.
2. I am a great mom.
3. I care for other people and their feelings even if they have wronged me.
4. I forgive people very easily. Grudges have never been easy for me to keep.
5. I am changing. It's the hardest thing I have ever done, but slowly, I am becoming stronger. Every day I find new things that I like about myself, and that is so much more than I thought I would be able to do.
<3 br="br">
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
weakness
Lately has been. . busy. We went to a farm today, tonight JP gets a second sleep study, tomorrow is counseling and doctors appointments and a bi-monthly shopping trip.
Wedding/civil union/handfasting plans are still getting tossed around. We want it outside, simple, and JP wants it within a year. We're thinking about combining our last names to Scarmont. Crazy idea, right? Here's our reasoning:
I don't want to change my last name. At all. I like it. Buuuuuut, tradition states I should take JP's last name. But I don't really like his last name, mostly because it's not mine. Also, because goddammit, I will not take the man's name he can take mine or we can hyphenate blahblahfeministblah.
Also, JP brought up Scarmont as a joke. If I got my doctorate, I'd be Dr. Scarmont and I could wear a lab coat and carry a beaker with bubbling green goo in it. It would be awesome. We'd buy an island, call it Scarbabia populate it.
And then he thought about it longer, and decided that awesome super villain plans aside, it would be symbolic of our new union. We'd be making a new family, together, as a team. Keeping our last names would be all seperatey and not reflective of our new united force against the world, but me taking his last name is unfair to me and kind of an archaic misogynistic tradition. So, a new name using parts of our old names is all adorable and sweet.
But we're still discussing it. I'm not sold 100% yet, mostly because I don't want to hear it from my relatives. Or his. And that is sure to happen.
Moving on. Five weaknesses I have.
1. I am lazy. God, am I lazy. I could lay in bed allllll day with a book. Or without a book. I love lounging. But thankfully I have JP to kick me in the ass and get me moving. Also, I can't lounge as nearly much as I used to with Willow around.
2. I can be a pig. Left to my own devices, I can really get messy. It's gotten worse since JP and I got together because he's a guy, and he's about a million times grosser than I am. That said, it's gotten much better since Willow was born. Also, it's worst when I'm depressed.
3. I'm quick to judge. Sometimes I forget that I don't know the whole story, or that it's none of my damn business and getting all judgy is just going to screw up my day and not theirs.
4. I'm not good with commitment. Of any kind. I get bored too easily.
5. I'm awful at interpersonal relationships.
<3 br="br">
Wedding/civil union/handfasting plans are still getting tossed around. We want it outside, simple, and JP wants it within a year. We're thinking about combining our last names to Scarmont. Crazy idea, right? Here's our reasoning:
I don't want to change my last name. At all. I like it. Buuuuuut, tradition states I should take JP's last name. But I don't really like his last name, mostly because it's not mine. Also, because goddammit, I will not take the man's name he can take mine or we can hyphenate blahblahfeministblah.
Also, JP brought up Scarmont as a joke. If I got my doctorate, I'd be Dr. Scarmont and I could wear a lab coat and carry a beaker with bubbling green goo in it. It would be awesome. We'd buy an island, call it Scarbabia populate it.
And then he thought about it longer, and decided that awesome super villain plans aside, it would be symbolic of our new union. We'd be making a new family, together, as a team. Keeping our last names would be all seperatey and not reflective of our new united force against the world, but me taking his last name is unfair to me and kind of an archaic misogynistic tradition. So, a new name using parts of our old names is all adorable and sweet.
But we're still discussing it. I'm not sold 100% yet, mostly because I don't want to hear it from my relatives. Or his. And that is sure to happen.
Moving on. Five weaknesses I have.
1. I am lazy. God, am I lazy. I could lay in bed allllll day with a book. Or without a book. I love lounging. But thankfully I have JP to kick me in the ass and get me moving. Also, I can't lounge as nearly much as I used to with Willow around.
2. I can be a pig. Left to my own devices, I can really get messy. It's gotten worse since JP and I got together because he's a guy, and he's about a million times grosser than I am. That said, it's gotten much better since Willow was born. Also, it's worst when I'm depressed.
3. I'm quick to judge. Sometimes I forget that I don't know the whole story, or that it's none of my damn business and getting all judgy is just going to screw up my day and not theirs.
4. I'm not good with commitment. Of any kind. I get bored too easily.
5. I'm awful at interpersonal relationships.
<3 br="br">
a day in the life
A normal day for us varies a lot. It depends on if it's a weekend (I work) or one of JP's weekends (Wednesdays and every other Thursday).
On a day when neither of those are happening, Willow will wake us up around 8-10, depending on how well she slept the night before. Then we'll cuddle in bed and play for a bit, and then take a walk. Usually JP takes her by himself while I have some me time, but sometimes I come along.
After their walk, which usually lasts at least an hour and almost always includes the park and downtown Dwight for a visit with JP's parents, we eat lunch. Usually something easy and light like sandwiches.
We hang out for a little bit more, then Willow starts getting tired and JP starts getting ready for work. She goes down for a nap around 3, and he leaves for work at 3:45. I usually either nap with her or try to get housework done. . . Though sometimes I end up just watching Grey's or derping around on my phone while cuddling her.
She wakes up around 4:30-5 and we play. We'll switch rooms and toys so she doesn't get bored, she'll watch Baby Einstein, or we'll watch youtube videos of cats and dogs. Sometimes we dance, othertimes she's teething and we just cuddle and play in bed. Sometimes we take walks, or sit out in our yard and play with the grass. Once in a while I'll let her be naked in the tub until she's bored and then give her a bath.
And then at around 9-9:30, I put her to bed. She's started sucking at sleeping, so she might wake up once before JP comes home (12:20 or so) and then a few times while he and I are hanging out, watching tv or playing video games. We head to bed around 2-3 and thus ends another boring day in the Scarmont household.
*yawn* Seriously, guys, our life's a bore, but I like it that way. If you made it all the way through, you deserve a prize. . . So, here you go:
On a day when neither of those are happening, Willow will wake us up around 8-10, depending on how well she slept the night before. Then we'll cuddle in bed and play for a bit, and then take a walk. Usually JP takes her by himself while I have some me time, but sometimes I come along.
After their walk, which usually lasts at least an hour and almost always includes the park and downtown Dwight for a visit with JP's parents, we eat lunch. Usually something easy and light like sandwiches.
We hang out for a little bit more, then Willow starts getting tired and JP starts getting ready for work. She goes down for a nap around 3, and he leaves for work at 3:45. I usually either nap with her or try to get housework done. . . Though sometimes I end up just watching Grey's or derping around on my phone while cuddling her.
She wakes up around 4:30-5 and we play. We'll switch rooms and toys so she doesn't get bored, she'll watch Baby Einstein, or we'll watch youtube videos of cats and dogs. Sometimes we dance, othertimes she's teething and we just cuddle and play in bed. Sometimes we take walks, or sit out in our yard and play with the grass. Once in a while I'll let her be naked in the tub until she's bored and then give her a bath.
And then at around 9-9:30, I put her to bed. She's started sucking at sleeping, so she might wake up once before JP comes home (12:20 or so) and then a few times while he and I are hanging out, watching tv or playing video games. We head to bed around 2-3 and thus ends another boring day in the Scarmont household.
*yawn* Seriously, guys, our life's a bore, but I like it that way. If you made it all the way through, you deserve a prize. . . So, here you go:
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
peeved
1. People chewing with their mouths open. This started at church camp when I would be laying in a bunk pretending to be asleep and all the other girls would be gossiping and eating all night. I could hear the chips crunch and the soda get swallowed. Gag.
2. Sexism. This isn't really a pet peeve as much as a real issue. Which brings me to the last issue of The Paper. Our dear Mr. Boma's topic this week was laundry. Soiled clothes. He bitches about not knowing how to do it until he arrives at the conclusion that he'll just find a pretty girl to do it. I can't wait for the day life slaps him in the face.
3. When JP leaves his deodorant on the sink. We have the tiniest sink ever, and it only has room for our toothbrush holder and toothbrushes, the "fancy" soap (aka the non-health food store soap, reserved for guests because the good stuff is fucking expensive) and sometimes the health food store soap. . Though usually I put it back in the bathtub because we use it both places. Anyways, there is no room for his deodorant which inevitably gets knocked to the ground and is loud at times when Willow is asleep.
4. Leaving unnecessary lights on. Actually, wasting electricity in general, though the exception is when I'm home alone with Willow, sometimes I'll leave lights on to make it look like we're not asleep because I'm a paranoid crazy lady.
5. Annoying customers. Like the guy who complained that Obama madehis truck a gas gussler the gas too high. Or the man who was wearing a shirt using the word gay as a derogatory term.
6. When people say I have an accent. Apparently I say "bag" like "beg".
7. Which leads me to- herb. The h is silent. Completely silent.
8. Ketchup. Not catsup.
9. People driving on shoulders. Actually, bad drivers. I get road rage like crazy sometimes. But people driving on the shoulder or making lanes drives me the most insane.
10. JP talking about the same things over and over again. I have heard about how a guy wanted $20 for a broken down pachinko machine that JP only wanted to pay $2 about 80 times since it happened. . Three days ago. I offered to help egg his house but he's too chicken.
In other news, people in Dwight pretty much all suck. Some random lady I have never met decided she was mad at JP's dad so she was all like. . I wonder how he feels about his granddaugher who was born out of wedlock and hoitytoity I'm a bitch-face. . .
Also, JP and I are thinking of getting married. Or civil unioned. . Civil unionized? One of those. Still trying to figure out the logistics but basically it comes down to if either one of us is ever mangled unconscious, we want the other one of us to be able to visit us in the hospital/make medical decisions for us. Romantic, eh? So after we figure out prenup stuff, how taxes will work, etc, etc, we'll tie the knot.
<3>
2. Sexism. This isn't really a pet peeve as much as a real issue. Which brings me to the last issue of The Paper. Our dear Mr. Boma's topic this week was laundry. Soiled clothes. He bitches about not knowing how to do it until he arrives at the conclusion that he'll just find a pretty girl to do it. I can't wait for the day life slaps him in the face.
3. When JP leaves his deodorant on the sink. We have the tiniest sink ever, and it only has room for our toothbrush holder and toothbrushes, the "fancy" soap (aka the non-health food store soap, reserved for guests because the good stuff is fucking expensive) and sometimes the health food store soap. . Though usually I put it back in the bathtub because we use it both places. Anyways, there is no room for his deodorant which inevitably gets knocked to the ground and is loud at times when Willow is asleep.
4. Leaving unnecessary lights on. Actually, wasting electricity in general, though the exception is when I'm home alone with Willow, sometimes I'll leave lights on to make it look like we're not asleep because I'm a paranoid crazy lady.
5. Annoying customers. Like the guy who complained that Obama made
6. When people say I have an accent. Apparently I say "bag" like "beg".
7. Which leads me to- herb. The h is silent. Completely silent.
8. Ketchup. Not catsup.
9. People driving on shoulders. Actually, bad drivers. I get road rage like crazy sometimes. But people driving on the shoulder or making lanes drives me the most insane.
10. JP talking about the same things over and over again. I have heard about how a guy wanted $20 for a broken down pachinko machine that JP only wanted to pay $2 about 80 times since it happened. . Three days ago. I offered to help egg his house but he's too chicken.
In other news, people in Dwight pretty much all suck. Some random lady I have never met decided she was mad at JP's dad so she was all like. . I wonder how he feels about his granddaugher who was born out of wedlock and hoitytoity I'm a bitch-face. . .
Also, JP and I are thinking of getting married. Or civil unioned. . Civil unionized? One of those. Still trying to figure out the logistics but basically it comes down to if either one of us is ever mangled unconscious, we want the other one of us to be able to visit us in the hospital/make medical decisions for us. Romantic, eh? So after we figure out prenup stuff, how taxes will work, etc, etc, we'll tie the knot.
<3>
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