Monday, February 11, 2013


My life is amazing.

I am happy.

I am becoming more and more who I want to be.

Never in my life did I think my life would be this complete, but somehow, someway, in the last three and (almost) a half years, my partner and my daughter have taught me to love myself by loving me unconditionally. 

I am not ashamed anymore. If someone judges me or disapproves of me I can usually shake it off with a "fuck them, I'm happy".

Recovery is so possible, guys.

I see people I used to know and they are just people. I don't stay up at night wishing I was anyone but myself, or wishing I was no one at all. Instead, I stay up and laugh or dance or cuddle and it is fantastic. 

Here's to happiness for everyone.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

solstice and stuff

Holy goddess, I've been busy.

So, Solstice happened. In between writing historically accurate notes to people who's cars were littered with "Keep Christ in Christmas" stickers and leaving them under their dashboards, working and all sorts of Solstice planning. . . I'm pooped.

We saved up enough money to get Willow new clothes (she was getting too small for her 12 month clothes) and a warmer coat, along with presents for her, each other and a few small things we wanted. All in all, it turned out to be a great celebration.

So, Willow. She's gotten so big, guys. She's walking everywhere now, and basically refuses to crawl, and sometimes even to be carried. She talks nonstop, asking and answering questions all day. Today, we went to the doctor to treat a rash she had (damn thrush!) and I had told her in the morning that we were going to go see the doctor. So all day she was saying doctor, except it sounded a lot like cracker, so I got confused. She'd say doctor, giggle and then try to walk out the door. At the doctor's office, she stared at the fish for like 5 minutes. She knows a few colors (yellow and purple mostly) and pointed out a yellow fish. She says bottle (she grabs them from the recycling and drags them all over the house), yeah, whaazup, poopoo, toot (always followed by a giggle. . she really is our kid!), knows how to growl, bark, baa, and neigh. 

She's funny too. She'll walk around with diapers on her head because she knows we think its funny, or she'll share food with us and when we say "no more" she'll try to shove it in our mouths while giggling. I seriously love this girl.

She does have her rough times though. Last night she kept waking up, over and over. She didn't want to be in her crib, she didn't want to be in our bed without nursing, but she wanted to nurse with her ass in my face which made it slightly difficult for me to sleep. Plus she'd bite me because she was being ornery. Then she woke up at 5 for an hour and went back to sleep only to wake up for good at 8. She was a major crab till she finally fell asleep around 1:30. After that she was ok though. 

We were all sick with like the fucking puking plague for a week. First she got thrush and then she caught a bug from the doctors office when she went to see him for her thrush. She spent like 4 days miserable and puking and then I got it 5 minutes before I had to go to work in the kitchen by myself for the first time and then JP got it. Thankfully that's over. I have never gotten a stomach bug before, but this was the mother of them all. There was no way to make it to the bathroom- when diarrhea or puking hit it hit like a motherfucker. Thank god vinegar and baking soda are a thing. Gag. 

Other than that overshare, there isn't much going on here. Working more hours, being kind of overwhelmed. 

I get the bed to myself tonight, so I'm gonna head in early. 

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