Friday, November 4, 2011

things i never considered before having a baby

1. How to get a stroller through a door if you're alone.
2. When on a car ride, is your baby sleeping peacefully back there or is something wrong? (Remedied by one of those mirror things, I suppose, but who has the money for that? It's much better to contort in ways that would make an acrobat jealous and then annoy your child until they start screaming. Phew! Safe. Also, I swear, I'm a good driver!)
3. Sleep when they're sleeping really doesn't work. You still wake up every few minutes to make sure they're breathing.
4. Poops can be cute. And hilarious. And even when they happen at the worst possible time ("Really? I just changed you. Twice. And finally managed to buckle you into this contraption that is supposed to protect you. . . If I can ever figure out if I did it right. Fine. Yes, you're cute. Awwwh. Is that a look of malicious contentment? SO CUTE!")
5. Sleep isn't a necessity. People that sleep more than 2 hours a night are wimps. You try being in labor for 35 hours and not sleeping for more than 8 hours in the span of a week. Yeah, I'm a bad ass.
6. It is possible to not  have time to gulp down a bowl of cereal.
7. It's possible to have so little time to do things for yourself that you will eat room-temprature mush that may have once been cereal.
8. Taking a breastfed newborn to the store is a lot crazier than you would have guessed. What if they get hungry on the way? a) let them cry. b) pull over and breastfeed in the car. What if they poop on the way? a) let them sit in it (Bad parent! Don't do that. . gross.) b) find a gas station. Change diaper. No changing table? You're screwed. There's the a) the floor or b) your lap. What if they get hungry during your shopping trip? A few, select god-send stores have lactation rooms (which is awkward as all hell, but nice to have) but most don't, so you've got to go to the women's restroom and feed said chitlin in there. Babies eating can be noisy. . How awkward is that? Man, the possibilities of awful are endless. Sometimes things can be done to help the situation, like wearing the baby in a wrap, but then there's the issue of taking it out, folding it the right way (or stretching it across the store and rolling around until it's done right in the case of the Moby ((which I actually love, and so does Willow, but man, that thing is LONG!))) and then learning to maneuver your lady-udders in a way that will allow your child to eat but will not flash the crowd of onlookers who has gathered to watch the show.
9. Where do dads take their daughers to be changed/go potty if they're older if there is no family restroom?
10. How long I would stare at my child thinking "I couldn't have possibly made this".
11. How in love you could be with a tiny, wrinkly, peeling human being who eats, burps, vomits, poops and pees on you.
12. How you won't sleep while she is in case she laughs in her sleep again and you miss it.
13. How even 45 minutes away is torture.

Hey, guys, I love my daughter. She's an amazing little girl. Every day I wonder what she'll be like, cry at the fact that I can't protect her from all the crazy in the world, and marvel at the tininess of every little, teensy bit of her. I worry that one day she'll think that her daddy and I are amazing and that she wants to be like us, and then sometime later she'll realize we're weak, screwed up human beings who don't really know what they're doing at all. I'm worried that she'll get her heart broken, by others, sure,  but mostly by me. I worry that I'll make the same mistakes my parents made. . . God, I worry that she'll cry too often or too little or that she'll fall off of something and hurt herself or that she'll be sheltered and pampered too much-- I worry about just about everything, and this little one is only 16 days old.

I'm sure there will be more things that I realize about babies and having them as time goes on, but for now, that's my list.

<3

1 comment:

  1. Haha, I loved this Annie. Thanks for writing.

    ReplyDelete

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