Friday, June 5, 2009

no time left to breathe

Words have been coming really slowly lately, like a leaky faucet. It's just the drip, drip, drip of thoughts and ideas, and nothing of a stream.

The music speaks for me lately, all kinds of songs on repeat, mostly stuff by Jon Foreman and a couple Molly Jenson songs.

Today was the SOHO music festival, and I went with Aimee. We basically sat around and talked and stopped at Subway and Coldstone. Wandering around town is what I do anyway (funny I still don't know my way around still) but it was fun.

I don't really have anything to say. Tomorrow I'm going to Curtis' graduation party (maybe) and Rachel's graduation, and then Sunday is her party.

I really wish I could spend the night at her house, because we haven't been spending a lot of time together but her parents don't want me around during the busy weekend.
Next week she'll be in Missouri and then a few weeks after that she's off to China for 3 weeks.

How are we going to survive?

Somehow I feel a little broken. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because so many things are changing all of a sudden, and I feel left behind.

College is such a big step and I know I've always been so ready to move out; to finally be independent, but suddenly I'm scared.

Bad decisions come really easily to me. Much easier than good decisions, and I can see myself screwing my life up terribly. (In My Arms- Jon Foreman is a great song, people, listen to it!) I'm not talking booze or smoking, I'm talking total chaos.

Yes, (Curtis =]) I know I've promised myself that I won't drink, and I won't. . . but I don't know. I'm so stupid sometimes. No, all the time.

I haven't made a good decision since. . . well, I guess going on a quest to find the Truth was a good decision, but that was more necessity, so I'm counting it out- so it's been years. Or something like that. It feels like eternity. Because I'm like that. I get bored easily, and good decisions are definitely boring (usually).

I'm going to go watch the Andy Griffith show and eat white cheddar cheeze-its (God
s gift to man-kind along with peach iced tea).


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